Tragedy

I have a friend who has experienced a terrible tragedy in her young little family. She is a young mother of a two year old girl and was two weeks away from delevering her second daughter, when the baby died inside her womb. They had to induce her and like adding insult to injury, she had to go through the pain of labor only to deliver a dead child.

I drove home from work today and cried all the way. I cannot imagine how devestating that must be. It's a personal tramua to a woman's body and then it's a tragedy to the family. I'm heartbroken for her.

I keep thinking about the Lord in this situation. He knew this was going to happen. He knew that child would never make it out alive. I can't help but wonder why, but I know there will be no answer for this. I just want to go and sit with her like Job's friends just sat with him. They spoke nothing for 7 days because Job's devestation was too great for words.

(Job 2:13 Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.)
I get that. Sometimes, in situations like this words just mess things up more. I've been devestated before in my own little heart, but pain like that...I've never known.

Party

Sometimes, when she would gaze into the sky at sunset, she could sense the party going on behind the mountain tops and wished she could be a part of it.

But alas, she was stuck in traffic. It would have to wait 'till Heaven.

Giving Back

I'm not really into Christmas gifts. This drives my mother crazy every year because we have the same conversation:

Mom: "What do you want for Christmas, Colleen?"
Me: "Uh, I don't know, nothing."
Mom: "Oh don't give me that, what do you want?"
Me: " I don't know. I really haven't given it much thought."
Mom: "Okay, well just tell me when you know."

Then we have the same conversation every week for the whole month of December until the 24th.

Besides the fact that I could actually use a really good camera, there is nothing I want and even the camera isn't anything I need. I kinda want to buy my family members each a goat for Christmas for a Christian organization in Africa, but I don't know how well that would go over with them.

Example fantasy:

Me to my brother: "Wow Ryan, this cashmere sweater from J.Crew is so beautiful, thanks."

"Oh, and here is your gift." (I hand him a picture of a goat.)
Ryan looks quizzically at the photo. "I don't get it."
"Well, I got you a goat for Christmas. I had it sent in your name to feed a child in Uganda and help his family with an income."
Ryan: looks at the cashmere sweater and then at the photo of the goat. "Oh, thanks."

See, I'd still feel like a jerk for not giving him, or any member of my family something tangible. The only reason why I feel like my gifts should be tangible is because everyone makes you think it should be. But half the stuff we give is just stuff anyway. You know? Besides, due to extenuating circumstances that are not in my control I can't really afford to spend lots of cash on presents.

I don't have an answer to any of this, but I found this video awhile back and I guess it explains my heart on the matter a little bit better.

Matthew 10:42
42And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones because he is my disciple, I tell you the truth, he will certainly not lose his reward."

Late Night Thoughts with the Girl ( that would be me)

Right now I'm reading this book called Intimate Friendship with God [Through Understanding the Fear of the Lord] by Joy Dawson. This book looks like I've eaten it because I've loved on it so much. Every once in a while I return to it and it is always refreshing and stirs the desire to continue to pursue walking in holiness. HOWEVER! This may sound crazy but I think that it's just as possible to make holiness an Idol before God as anything else, maybe. I mean, if holiness is my goal instead of knowing and desiring Jesus then isn't something wrong here? I think I would turn into a Pharisee. I don't know, it's just a thought...

Speaking of thoughts!

"There is no such thing as a private thought"- Randy Alcorn; taken from his book Edge of Eternity.
Well Shiver me timbers!! Think about that for awhile. God knows all our thoughts.

Psalm 139:2
You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar

Maybe you don't believe that. But what if you're wrong and it's true? The Bible says in

Hebrews 4:12-14

12For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. 13Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.
14Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess.

Jesus is our Great High Priest. This thrills me. He knows everything about me. My strengths and weaknesses. The thing is, those strengths can become a snare to pride and my weaknesses a snare to sin if I'm not daily asking Him to help renew my mind and my thoughts.

If you take nothing else away from this post, take this: God is for us, not against us. That's why Jesus died for us. God the Father knows we are fallible and because He is not we can always go to Him and receive His forgiveness. Not because grace is cheap, but because it's costly. It was so costly that it required the life of Jesus to pay for all our sin and I think maybe that's what's so amazing about grace.

One through Six

First of all, my hair smells like flowers and I can't stop smelling it.

Second, my legs are so sore from playing hours of flag football yesterday that I wish I could detach them from the hips and give myself a massage, but maybe that would be kinda weird.

Third, I'm working on one of the coolest books I've ever made. It's so cool I think I'm going to finally send it to Random House, or maybe Penguin Books and see if they will take it.

Fourth, I keep checking this website. I care about what these people are doing for the Lord a lot and I keep hoping to find a job that will fit me, but I can't. Maybe some things are just a pipe dream....(darn.)

Fifth, There are some things that I have been praying about and have been seeing the Lord work so kindly and faithfully within my heart and mind. I've done nothing save call out to Him for help and with His help I'm daily sanctified through His loving grace.

Sixth, I can't think of a sixth. Se Fini!