Sunday, June 27, 2010

Weddings and Whatnot...

I went to a beautiful wedding yesterday. It was out in horse farm country. There were in fact two horses on the property at the house where the wedding was held. The house had a beautiful extra large red door and two white rocking chairs out front. It was a farmhouse rambler, all in white with a tiny red barn in the meadow for the horses.

The ceremony was held in the front yard and the sun decided to finally grace us and Mt. Rainier was in full splendor as if looking on. It was pretty much spectacular. There were flowers everywhere. The meadow was covered with wild yellow Buttercups and the tables and lawn area were decked with pink peonies, white roses and sprigs of mint and rosemary bound together and were everywhere you looked. The smell was intoxicating and delicious. It was a perfect blend of what I call Rustic Elegance that would have made Pottery Barn jealous.

Weddings have become a bittersweet thing for me. I went with a married couple and when I got there, I realized that almost everyone at the wedding was already married. I would say about 85 to 90%. I looked around for people to talk and mingle with but everywhere I turned it was couples chatting with couples, talking about each other, or their young children. It sounds ironic, but I really did feel unintentionally singled out.

I was the only single person at my dinner table. Everyone else had there spouse to lean on for that awkward social support when sitting at a table with people you don't know. So I had to force my way into conversations with those sitting next to me so that I didn't have to feel silly eating my dinner and having only my plate to look at.

I started to feel self pity rising up as I sat there, helplessly looking around. It took every ounce of me to grab hold of my thoughts and not give in to the facts of my circumstances, but I could not deny that behind my curled hair and pretty dress, deep inside, my heart was so sad....and I ached.

Luke 18:1
"Now He was telling them a parable to show that at all times they ought to pray and not to lose heart..."

I love this scripture. However, under these sort of circumstances when I read it or meditate on it I don't pray for a husband. I stopped praying for one quite a time ago because the Lord knows my heart on that matter and I don't feel I need to remind him. These days and however long He wills, I pray for the grace to live single and pure, in a world where marriage and sex is esteemed and glorified and singleness and celibacy is to be pitied.

" I have craved and walked away in silence and I have learned to be free."
-Heather Clark


Mega said...

It makes me down to read that your heart was sad, and I know how you feel. I have been to a fair amount of weddings recently and usually I will ask a friend to come with me so that I am not the only single one there amidst a bunch of married folk. I catch myself thinking "man I'd like a wife" and then another part of myself is like "whoa whoa buddy". Its tough not to get ahead of yourself in wanting when it may not be part of His plan for you, just yet. Also, that place looks rad, I would have totally gone with ya for the free food if I wasn't about 3,000 miles away or so :P

Susan Skitt said...

Hey dear girl, just catching up since I've been well, let's just say a bit preoccupied the last few months :)

My dear niece is single too. She recently moved to our area from Maryland. She finished college a few years ago, is a wonderful, beautiful girl who loves the Lord, but the Lord hasn't opened the door for her to be married, or even have a meaningful relationship with a guy, yet...

Now the reason I say this is because you and I have had this kind of conversation before, right?

Like I tell my niece, don't give up. She says, "Aunt Sue, I'm going to wind up being one of those old, crazy cat ladies..."

"Nonsense," I tell her. "You can have a cat and get married too!"

Yes, I tell her like I tell you dear friend, it is good to say to the Lord, if you will me to be single, please help me to accept that and live the life You, Lord have intended.

BUT there is nothing wrong with praying your heart to the Lord, even though, yes, He knows it, He still wants to hear your deepest thoughts and desires. There is nothing wrong with desiring a husband, as long as that desire does not become more important than your relationship with the Christ.

Talk to the Lord about Him bringing you a husband who loves the Lord with all his heart, dear girl. Your Lord and Savior, the Lover of Your soul, wants to give You all His best.

I am praying for you today!

Hugs from PA :)

sms rao said...