I went to a beautiful wedding yesterday. It was out in horse farm country. There were in fact two horses on the property at the house where the wedding was held. The house had a beautiful extra large red door and two white rocking chairs out front. It was a farmhouse rambler, all in white with a tiny red barn in the meadow for the horses.
The ceremony was held in the front yard and the sun decided to finally grace us and Mt. Rainier was in full splendor as if looking on. It was pretty much spectacular. There were flowers everywhere. The meadow was covered with wild yellow Buttercups and the tables and lawn area were decked with pink peonies, white roses and sprigs of mint and rosemary bound together and were everywhere you looked. The smell was intoxicating and delicious. It was a perfect blend of what I call Rustic Elegance that would have made Pottery Barn jealous.
Weddings have become a bittersweet thing for me. I went with a married couple and when I got there, I realized that almost everyone at the wedding was already married. I would say about 85 to 90%. I looked around for people to talk and mingle with but everywhere I turned it was couples chatting with couples, talking about each other, or their young children. It sounds ironic, but I really did feel unintentionally singled out.
I was the only single person at my dinner table. Everyone else had there spouse to lean on for that awkward social support when sitting at a table with people you don't know. So I had to force my way into conversations with those sitting next to me so that I didn't have to feel silly eating my dinner and having only my plate to look at.
I started to feel self pity rising up as I sat there, helplessly looking around. It took every ounce of me to grab hold of my thoughts and not give in to the facts of my circumstances, but I could not deny that behind my curled hair and pretty dress, deep inside, my heart was so sad....and I ached.
"Now He was telling them a parable to show that at all times they ought to pray and not to lose heart..."
I love this scripture. However, under these sort of circumstances when I read it or meditate on it I don't pray for a husband. I stopped praying for one quite a time ago because the Lord knows my heart on that matter and I don't feel I need to remind him. These days and however long He wills, I pray for the grace to live single and pure, in a world where marriage and sex is esteemed and glorified and singleness and celibacy is to be pitied.
" I have craved and walked away in silence and I have learned to be free."