Shoulda.
Coulda.
Woulda.
But I didn't.
...
Now I gotta.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Thursday, April 7, 2011
The Runaway
Yesterday I was driving home from the grocery store when I saw something unusual. At the traffic light I looked over to see a young girl running down the sidewalk in dirty wet socks, a sleeveless shirt and no coat. I rolled my window down and shouted from three lanes over, "Honey, do you need help?" She was crying, red faced, cold with dirty scratches all over her arms. "No." She yelled back. Obviously, this kid needed help. I called out again, "Where are your shoes?" She just shook her head and buried her face in her hands. At that point she had reached the cross walk and was waiting to cross the street. The light turned and I had to go, but this was not a grown-up, this was a child and I couldn't ignore her. I pulled around into a parking lot just after the light and go out of my car in time to see her crossing the street and coming my direction.
This time I didn't give her the option to receive help, I just walked over to her and said, "Honey, let me help you. Let me help you, what happened?" She just started blubbering about how "He hits me and my brother. I hate him..." I tried to calm her down. I managed to find out that she was 11 and her name was Chloe. She wasn't making a whole lot of sense but was visibly cold so I explained to her that I was a teacher and that I would help her and told her to get in the car with me. She did and I brought her home with me.
In my head I was freaking out. I'd never done this sort of thing before. I totally reacted out of a mothering instinct I suppose. I had no idea what I was doing and it's a good thing my roommate wasn't home because I don't think she would have appreciated me bringing a runaway home.
Once we got to my place I told her to throw out her dirty socks and I gave her a clean pair, I found some shoes of mine for her to wear and gave her a sweatshirt. I sat her down on the couch and she began to calm down. I just kept telling her it was going to be okay, (not having any idea what that meant) but knowing that's what she needed to hear. I let her read some magazines and walked away and went to another other room to call the police.
In five minutes I had three police officers in my living room. It turned out that the person who was hurting her was not a man, but another child, which was a huge relief, but the situation was still really bad. Apparently her mother left her father for an old boyfriend and he's not a nice man. She said that he has never hurt her, but obviously he's a harsh man and she desperately wants to be with her real father.
It was all really intense. When all was said and done, the cops had to take her home, she hugged me and thanked me. I felt terrible letting her go, but I couldn't keep her.... I can however pray for her, forever. And I will, and hope that by casting my bread upon the water, someday, even if it's in eternity, it will come back to me.
This time I didn't give her the option to receive help, I just walked over to her and said, "Honey, let me help you. Let me help you, what happened?" She just started blubbering about how "He hits me and my brother. I hate him..." I tried to calm her down. I managed to find out that she was 11 and her name was Chloe. She wasn't making a whole lot of sense but was visibly cold so I explained to her that I was a teacher and that I would help her and told her to get in the car with me. She did and I brought her home with me.
In my head I was freaking out. I'd never done this sort of thing before. I totally reacted out of a mothering instinct I suppose. I had no idea what I was doing and it's a good thing my roommate wasn't home because I don't think she would have appreciated me bringing a runaway home.
Once we got to my place I told her to throw out her dirty socks and I gave her a clean pair, I found some shoes of mine for her to wear and gave her a sweatshirt. I sat her down on the couch and she began to calm down. I just kept telling her it was going to be okay, (not having any idea what that meant) but knowing that's what she needed to hear. I let her read some magazines and walked away and went to another other room to call the police.
In five minutes I had three police officers in my living room. It turned out that the person who was hurting her was not a man, but another child, which was a huge relief, but the situation was still really bad. Apparently her mother left her father for an old boyfriend and he's not a nice man. She said that he has never hurt her, but obviously he's a harsh man and she desperately wants to be with her real father.
It was all really intense. When all was said and done, the cops had to take her home, she hugged me and thanked me. I felt terrible letting her go, but I couldn't keep her.... I can however pray for her, forever. And I will, and hope that by casting my bread upon the water, someday, even if it's in eternity, it will come back to me.
Monday, March 28, 2011
A Month of Sundays and More...
I woke up this morning to a phone call from my doctor. I've been off of work for a month now and after my first and hopefully last MRI ever, they found the problem. There is a gigantic pregnant alien in my neck. Just kidding. I have a bulging disc in my lower cervical vertebrae.
I've lost track of doctor visits and watching the medical bills come rolling in make me feel like I'm on a game show. Every time I open an envelope it's like I hear a DING! in the backround and a voice inside my head goes "CONGRATULATIONS! You now owe 1,000,000 dollars to your insurance company!" Okay, okay it's not a millon dollars, but it might as well be on a preschool teachers budget.
So now I must wade into deeper, murkier unknown waters. A neurosurgen evaluation, spinal epidural injections...more PT. These are words I never expected to utter at the beginning of 2011.
I feel helpless in my body. Completly. Helpless. I miss running. I miss hiking. I miss my kids and being able to work in general. Most of all, I miss my health.
Lord, none of this is new to you. You know the end from the beginning. So I submit myself to you. Please take care of me and heal me in your time. Amen.
I've lost track of doctor visits and watching the medical bills come rolling in make me feel like I'm on a game show. Every time I open an envelope it's like I hear a DING! in the backround and a voice inside my head goes "CONGRATULATIONS! You now owe 1,000,000 dollars to your insurance company!" Okay, okay it's not a millon dollars, but it might as well be on a preschool teachers budget.
So now I must wade into deeper, murkier unknown waters. A neurosurgen evaluation, spinal epidural injections...more PT. These are words I never expected to utter at the beginning of 2011.
I feel helpless in my body. Completly. Helpless. I miss running. I miss hiking. I miss my kids and being able to work in general. Most of all, I miss my health.
Lord, none of this is new to you. You know the end from the beginning. So I submit myself to you. Please take care of me and heal me in your time. Amen.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
The Winds that Whirl
My life is a whirlwind. So much so since I started going back to school at night (over a year ago) while working full time-that I have little time to allow myself to do the things I really enjoy doing, like writing. Like drawing with Sharpies. Like running. Like taking dance lessons. Like cooking. Like being a better friend...and the list goes on.
I've realized at this point in my life, something will always be gnawing at me to occupy my time...so tonight this phrase came to mind:
"Psalm 46:10a Be still and know that I am God."
Oh yes. How quickly we forget. I forget. My thoughts whirl like a dervish. But "His word is alive and active, sharper than any two edged sword..." So tonight I will,
Be Still.
And Know.
That He.
Is God.
Amen
I've realized at this point in my life, something will always be gnawing at me to occupy my time...so tonight this phrase came to mind:
"Psalm 46:10a Be still and know that I am God."
Oh yes. How quickly we forget. I forget. My thoughts whirl like a dervish. But "His word is alive and active, sharper than any two edged sword..." So tonight I will,
Be Still.
And Know.
That He.
Is God.
Amen
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
The Things Women Do
Getting a manicure without getting a pedicure feels as incomplete to me as putting on your bra, but forgetting your underpants.
However, getting a pedicure without a manicure always feels much more acceptable.
You just can't leave the house without your underwear on, you know what I mean?
However, getting a pedicure without a manicure always feels much more acceptable.
You just can't leave the house without your underwear on, you know what I mean?
Monday, December 13, 2010
Music that Romances the Soul
Have you ever listened to a melody so beautiful that it makes you just about cry? I love this bit from Dances with Wolves. It was on today and I watched a little bit. John Barry is probably one of my favorite composers and this piece is so sweet...
Monday, November 22, 2010
The Good and the Perfect
This past weekend I went car shopping with my friend Jeff. It turned out to be a real learning and growing experience. Here are my official 2 Rules of Car Buying:
1.Don't let them pressure you.
2.Don't buy it unless you love it.
3. Don't believe your Dad when he tells you, "Face it Colleen, you're buying a used car, you're going to have to settle."
(Okay, that last one was really for me only, but hey it's relevant to the story.)
So as Jeff and I are checking out the car that I went to see, I was immediately put off by the smell and the scratches on the inside. It was merely "okay". Nothing to write home about. Nothing to get all excited about. I was left with a general sense of "Meh, it'll do I suppose..." (Now oddly, I've experienced that feeling before, only it had nothing to do with cars.)
The salesman was also really pushy and I suppose with good reason. He was practically giving the car away to me. Which made it all the more logical that I buy that vehicle. "Are you sure you don't want it?" My friend Jeff asked as he raised his eyebrows. "This car is a steal if you do!" "I don't know." I said. "I just don't love it. There's nothing special about it and when I prayed about it I feel nothing from the Lord leading me to buy it."
So with that and admittedly some slight hesitation, I turned down the amazingly cheap offer.
Then I had this crazy thought, that I should hold out for what I really wanted and what I really wanted more than anything else was a car with heated seats. I told myself that I was being ridiculous but as I sought the Lord on this seemingly menial issue of buying a car, I felt as though the Lord wanted me to believe His ability to give me exactly what I wanted.
Now before I go any further I must say that I spent years grappling with the whole idea of telling God what I wanted and expecting Him to deliver on my command. That Prosperity Gospel has scared the pants off me and I repented of ever having come to God in that way in years gone by. However, I believe He was now doing a new thing in me and using this circumstance to show me HIS way.
So with the fear of the Lord in me, I patiently waited with expectation at what the Lord wanted to give me.
Not one week later did I get an email from a friend who had obediently sought the Lord (on my behalf!) that he found a car with heated seats and was I interested in checking it out. I told him straight up that we should see it as soon as possible. When we got to the dealership and I saw the car inside and out, I was dumbfounded. It was exactly what I wanted and more. It was too good to be true, but there it was.
Long story short, I bought that car; excuse me SUV and I praise my Heavenly Father for it. Because the reality is, it's not about the car, it's about the character of God. It's about His goodness and His faithfulness to know our hearts desires and how He wants us to trust Him with those desires.
You see, I could have bought the first car that I looked at and it would have been a perfectly good thing, but having sought the Lord and waited on Him; He gave me His best. There is no doubt in my mind about it.
Oh that we would be a people who seek the Lord at all times, pray about everything, and wait for His timing, because the Father is so faithful. ;-)
Matthew 7:11
"If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"
1.Don't let them pressure you.
2.Don't buy it unless you love it.
3. Don't believe your Dad when he tells you, "Face it Colleen, you're buying a used car, you're going to have to settle."
(Okay, that last one was really for me only, but hey it's relevant to the story.)
So as Jeff and I are checking out the car that I went to see, I was immediately put off by the smell and the scratches on the inside. It was merely "okay". Nothing to write home about. Nothing to get all excited about. I was left with a general sense of "Meh, it'll do I suppose..." (Now oddly, I've experienced that feeling before, only it had nothing to do with cars.)
The salesman was also really pushy and I suppose with good reason. He was practically giving the car away to me. Which made it all the more logical that I buy that vehicle. "Are you sure you don't want it?" My friend Jeff asked as he raised his eyebrows. "This car is a steal if you do!" "I don't know." I said. "I just don't love it. There's nothing special about it and when I prayed about it I feel nothing from the Lord leading me to buy it."
So with that and admittedly some slight hesitation, I turned down the amazingly cheap offer.
Then I had this crazy thought, that I should hold out for what I really wanted and what I really wanted more than anything else was a car with heated seats. I told myself that I was being ridiculous but as I sought the Lord on this seemingly menial issue of buying a car, I felt as though the Lord wanted me to believe His ability to give me exactly what I wanted.
Now before I go any further I must say that I spent years grappling with the whole idea of telling God what I wanted and expecting Him to deliver on my command. That Prosperity Gospel has scared the pants off me and I repented of ever having come to God in that way in years gone by. However, I believe He was now doing a new thing in me and using this circumstance to show me HIS way.
So with the fear of the Lord in me, I patiently waited with expectation at what the Lord wanted to give me.
Not one week later did I get an email from a friend who had obediently sought the Lord (on my behalf!) that he found a car with heated seats and was I interested in checking it out. I told him straight up that we should see it as soon as possible. When we got to the dealership and I saw the car inside and out, I was dumbfounded. It was exactly what I wanted and more. It was too good to be true, but there it was.
Long story short, I bought that car; excuse me SUV and I praise my Heavenly Father for it. Because the reality is, it's not about the car, it's about the character of God. It's about His goodness and His faithfulness to know our hearts desires and how He wants us to trust Him with those desires.
You see, I could have bought the first car that I looked at and it would have been a perfectly good thing, but having sought the Lord and waited on Him; He gave me His best. There is no doubt in my mind about it.
Oh that we would be a people who seek the Lord at all times, pray about everything, and wait for His timing, because the Father is so faithful. ;-)
Matthew 7:11
"If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"
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